This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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