feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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