like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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