It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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