This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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