1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do vagina's smell?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
