Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
