I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
