Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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