Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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