Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
