Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
