I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's get the cat blown out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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