I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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