Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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