But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
