with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
