This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
