there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
