you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
