Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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