His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
