one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
