I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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