dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
send nudes
from the living room?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
