i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
