I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
