Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
