I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
