he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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