But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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