if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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