Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
