OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
