We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
