just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
