i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
