1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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