What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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