I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
