He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
