Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
