we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
