Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
