You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
