so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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