Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
