Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
