remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
