If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
