i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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