The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
