if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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