I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
